still waiting.

Well, we are still waiting for that consulate appointment. It’s tough to be so close and yet so far away. It could also be a little scary, if I let it go there. A long list of "what if's" is knocking on my door tonight. I feel like we've rationed out our courage and energy to run a marathon, and now we have to run a few more miles at the very end.

I've had a headache most of the day, just from being worn out. There are so many decisions to make about travel, but they are all on hold until we know something definite. If we knew when we were leaving, we could make alternate summer plans, but we have to keep the schedule open. It's like holding your breath for days.

HOWEVER, it hit me tonight that maybe this wait is good practice for parenting a child who has been institutionalized for most of his life? There are likely to be many issues down the road where I want results quickly. But a toddler who has never lived in a home before is not going to just adjust at the snap of my fingers because I am exhausted and ready for him to "shape up." Realistically, we will probably face challenges that are a lot more exhausting than this awful wait.

So, I'm trying to pray tonight that God will use this time to discipline and strengthen my heart, and that He will teach me patience and trust. Maybe He will use this time to help me grow in emotional fortitude before our son gets here, so that I'm more patient when the real challenges arise? After all he's been through, Moses needs a mother who is steady and calm.

It's awfully hard, though. I'm not going to lie. I think it's the hardest thing so far.

Hugs to everyone waiting and loving Moses with us. Maybe we will know something tomorrow. And until we do know more of what's in store, the Lord does. I'm so glad He has a plan, even if I don't understand it.