the gift of arms' reach

The reality of what's getting ready to happen is finally sinking in today. For the past few months, I've tried so hard to keep my excitement in check. International adoption is an emotional marathon, and the wait can be excruciating. Mothers and children weren't made to be apart like this.

For many months I've been absorbed with paperwork and planning. Actually, that has been a subtle blessing, because these activities have helped occupy my mind and body. Becoming super efficient with document preparation was really all I could give him, so (like most adoptive moms) I did it with all my strength.

As I worked, my son grew silently in the womb of my heart. My working for him has stretched my life until I feel lonely without him.

At this point, we only have about seven weeks left. I'm done with all the paperwork I can do, so my job shifts now to nesting. Today I did some things I wouldn't give myself permission to do last month. Flipping through lots of kids storybooks and finding pants on sale. I bought little bitty underwear and socks today. Then I spent three hours shaving and bathing the dogs, getting them all cleaned up to visit friends when we go overseas.

It feels so good to do normal 'mom' things again. These are the same things I would do for Moses if he were sitting in my shopping cart or playing in the sunroom beside me. I'm not having to learn a whole new language of immigration forms or grant proposals. I'm not staring into a computer screen for hours doing research, or clicking through blogs trying to find out how to speed things up. I'm back into the realm of the familiar. Providing. Nurturing. Preparing. That feels so good. It feels so REAL.

I know that I'll forget a lot of things about this process, but I hope I never forget to be grateful for the gift of just being near my kids. The blessing of having a normal day at arms' reach. I can sense that on the horizon at last, and it's beautiful.