A Decision

We've been debating about it for over a year, but I think we finally came to a decision today. We are going to start looking for a different house after the adoption is over. And when Moses is emotionally-settled enough to make the transition, I think we will go for it.

It's been a tough choice because we love our home. It's private, well-made, and artsy. It makes me happy every time I pull in the driveway. It's my refuge.

We've lived here almost seven years, so I know this place like the back of my hand. It just suits me. Every square inch of it. I never leave more expensive homes wishing for any more than what I have waiting for me right here. I am utterly content.

But as wonderful as it is, this place is still just a shadow of something to come.

You know, when I look at my heart with total honesty, it's crazy to admit the bond I've developed with something so temporal. I have come to believe that this house defines and protects me somehow.

Over the years, I've met a handful of beautiful people who move intentionally into public places to share the love of Jesus. I admire that so much! I want to be more like them, but I'm pretty sure that if I were with people 24/7, it would make more folks run away from faith than toward it. I'm social wasabi, better in small doses.

However, I can think about the house choice as a stewardship issue. There are some days I spend 2-3 hours in the car driving back and forth. Tons of time. Tons of gas money. And even though we don't think any one type of school is best (homeschool, public or private), we still continue to feel like our kids are supposed to be at this school for this season of their lives.

Second factor? We need to simplify. We cannot continue to invest this much of our time and resources in a couple of walls, a roof, and a floor when kids need families. Watching _The Boy in The Striped Pajamas_ changed something for me. As I saw those parents do whatever it took to maintain the illusion of comfort and safety for their children, I realized that I was doing the same thing. Preening and tweaking while the scent of human prison camps floats through our imaginary world.

If there's a home that would require less from us, what would that free us to do instead? I realize now that question can be answered with the currency of human lives. Somehow that clarifies a lot.

Anonymous –   – (May 6, 2010 at 8:57 AM)  

I'm crying my eyes out! What a beautiful, heart-wrenching post to remind us all why we're here. I've watched you honestly wrestle through this, what a gift to see you keep your eyes on Him for the sake of the least of these!

The Gospel is shining brightly my friend! I LOVE you!
-Celeste

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About This Blog

Welcome to our family’s adoption journey. As you read, you will see us stumble and take wrong paths. You will see our hopes surge and fall. You will see the gaps in our humanity, and how our God realigns us to His purposes over and again. We think the messiness of this process is important. Sometimes walking with God isn’t a neat, linear package that can be summarized in bullet points. More often, life ebbs and flows around our plans, while God works His sovereign wonders from it all. We are learning so much through this journey. And we are super excited about our new son. If you’d like to join us, we’d love to have you along for the ride.

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