something I can't do.

Add this to the list of things I physically cannot do: leave the room after goodnight kisses when a 3-year-old little boy is saying, "Nuggle. Nuggle," patting the pillow next to him, and putting a blanket over his face saying, "Where's Mosie?"

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the gift of simplicity

Best Husband in the World gave me an entire morning/afternoon OFF. 'Had a restorative long coffee with an artist friend early. Then, for the rest of the day, I was alone.

Not that I don't like being with Moses. You know I do. But there was some serious stuff I just needed to process with the Lord, and sometimes it's hard to do that while a kid is measuring you with a measuring tape, punching buttons on your laptop, and grabbing your left arm. like what is happening right now... hang on...

Hahaha. OK. Redirected.

Anyway, obviously no time to type everything here. But one specific thing I was needing guidance from Lord on was how to get untangled from STUFF.

Honestly, I feel like I'm drowning in it, and that is hindering my ability to pursue a more focused life. I don't know how I would even begin to pack/move right now. Even if we found the perfect house at the perfect price. We've lived here seven years, and every room is full. I have no idea how much of this we really need or how much we could do without. Therefore, I don't know how much room we ultimately need to live.

This feels daunting. It would take weeks (or months) to really minimize, and I have the attention span of Dory the fish. I can barely find my way back out of Wal-Mart once I enter those sliding doors.

Also, I don't like spending energy developing perfectly amazing rooms. Only rarely will I look at women's magazines or decorating blogs trying to find cute new things I could do with this or that. When I do, it's task-oriented, not joy-oriented.

Not that redecorating is wrong, it's just that rooms don't interest me much when there are books to read. So for YEARS, I've just kept a Pottery Barn or two in the bathroom for ideas. I love that style. And I figure if I can't learn what's happening in there, I can live without it. So anyway, what I'm saying is that I'm very rarely the sort of girl who starts simplifying rooms for fun.

(Rabbit trail. What I REALLY wish is that I could get my friend Katherine to get her tail out of Mexico and come plan my everything for me. She's cool enough to hang pictures her daughter painted dancing with her first pair of real toe shoes, tears up wallpaper into pieces before putting it on the wall, and picks the perfect greens. Hint. Hint. Come plan my life, Katherine.)

Anyway. The clutter is prohibiting any major life changes I might need to make. So maybe I should start there. If you're naturally domestic, this might sound like an overstatement, but it's going to take the power of God to make this happen. I would appreciate your prayers.

I'm thinking about starting with one room. Probably our bedroom so when I wake up there every morning, it will remind me to keep going.

I'm also motivated because there are several good faith-based charities that need stuff donations right now. Bobby heard last night that clothes were a specific need. (If you actually know me and live in my town, which I'm intentionally not making public, I can clue you in to what those are. Email me.)

Anyway, I'm thinking about weighing all of the stuff I get rid of as I progress from room to room, keeping a log. I'm curious about how many stuff-pounds we can lose. :) If anyone wants to jump in on this project with me, you can send me the weight of your donated stuff-pounds, and we'll see how much baggage we can lose together.

One of the things I LOVED about China is the emphasis on minimalism. Artistically, this is what has always drawn me into Chinese art. Each line matters. Each line holds power, grace, and passion. A little is enough, if a little is pure. The beauty of the simple is found in Asian calligraphy, painting, and interior design. It was so much easier to focus in rooms like this. I'd love to integrate that concept into my life more deeply.

Ugh, I'm running out of time to write. But I wanted to throw this out there, just in case anyone feels like jumping in and doing this with me in their own homes. Maybe we can pray and cheer for each other.

Also, if you have done this before, what guiding principles have worked for you? How do you know what to keep and what to give away?


Gotta run. This old song comes to mind.

'Tis a gift to be simple,
'tis a gift to be free,
'tis a gift to come down
where we ought to be,
and when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained
to bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,
to turn, turn, will be our delight
till by turning, turning we come round right.

Shaker Hymn

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hiding from my flesh

Now it came about when the king lived in his house, and the LORD had given him rest on every side from all his enemies, that the king said to Nathan the prophet, "See now, I dwell in a house of cedar, but the ark of God dwells within tent curtains."
(2 Samuel 7:2)

One morning David woke up, and everything was clear. He was living in luxury while his center of worship was housed in a tent.

David was a spiritual man. He was committed to God. He wasn’t serving idols. At least he didn't think so before the epiphany hit.

You know the rest. God told David He wanted another king to build that temple.

Still, these two verses keep pushing themselves back into my mind almost daily since China. Where do I dwell? And where am I content to let the work of God dwell?

‘Mentioned this to Bobby this morning while we were waking up, and he reminded me of this passage:

6"Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
7"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

(Isaiah 58)

The words that catch me are the last eight. What is my own flesh?

Until last month, “my own flesh” meant my two birth children. My brother. My parents. If I saw them naked, starving, abused, would I continue life as normal? Unthinkable. I would do whatever it took to defend and sustain them. That is deep in my blood.

But on July 19th “my own flesh” grew to include an adoptive union made by God. I don’t know how to describe this adequately for those who haven’t adopted a child yet; but I can feel it when Moses falls asleep in my arms, little fingers woven tightly into my hair. It is a tactile, primal, maternal bond. He is familiar in the same way the sound of my own breath is familiar inside my chest. And I can feel the force of this rising up inside me when old men stare. I would fight for him. I am his. He is mine. We are the same.

Isaiah says “my own flesh” goes beyond this. To the unnamed. To the uneducated. To the broken. I believe this with my mind, but not fully yet with my heart. I want to. I am theirs. They are mine. We are the same.

Last night, our church leadership + the community outreach team met with the leadership of a local ministry that provides food for the hungry. The lady who started this outreach has apparently seen some hard stuff. She's been hungry, and she knows what it feels like to ask for food. While she was struggling, she was treated with disrespect because of her need, sometimes by church ministries established to help the poor. She is determined to do things differently, now that she's in a position to help others.

She doesn't mince words. Her life is colorful and so are her metaphors. Trust comes slow for her. Raw and real. More in touch with the reality of her own flesh than I am.

Nothing ever seems to change
But miles away beneath the waves
Down below the dirt
Hotter than a flame
In the belly of the earth
He has given you a Name

from Andrew Peterson's
"Mountains on the Ocean Floor"

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toddler games

Moses has found a few things he LOVES the past two days. I thought I'd pass them along to the other toddler mommies.

1.) Pressing the sides of Matchbox cars into Play-Doh. This makes an exact impression of the car in the dough, which is really cool for a three-year-old boy. You can see the doors, windows, lights, etc.

You can split a can of Play-Doh into thirds, if the cars are small. Then you can make those dough cars pretend they are driving, stretch them, wad them up, etc. He probably spends twenty minutes a day just doing this.

2.) We have this game called Bananagrams. It's sort of like Scrabble tiles in a bag. Moses likes to pour out the letters into the floor and sort them. Then he 'feeds' those to his stuffed bunny (voice and actions provided by Mom). This week, the bunny likes the letters: O, I, A and E. Bunny says, "No thank you," if you give him any other letter. Well, except if you give the bunny a letter "S." If you tried to feed the bunny an "S", he spits an angry zorburt and throws an awful fit. Then we have to scold Bunny. It cracks Moses up.

3.) Another option for using Bananagrams tiles? I hand him a pile of vowels only. He gets to put those in any order he wants, and then I have to point to one at a time and "sing" a made up song using only those sounds as lyrics. So, it might sound like, "EEEEEE, OOOOO, A, A, EEEEE, I, UUUUUUU." (Wow, that is hard to put into print.) Anyway, it makes him laugh to make me sing something that sounds so weird.

I also learned NOT to teach toddlers "The Grand Old Duke of York." Moses went crazy about that song and kept saying, "Again! Again!" every time we were finished. He expected me stand up and sit down with him all two hundred begillion times we sang it. Man, what a workout.

I'd love to hear a few of your favorite toddler games/songs if you get the chance. He's just turned three, but since he's still learning English, we can do activities for younger kids as well.

Oh shoot. There was something else I was going to post, but I can't remember what it was. If it resurfaces I'll add it in later.

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clarification

A note about the video I included in my post titled "I don't know the answer to this." (CLICK HERE TO READ IT)

I collected all of these pictures privately a few months ago. They are not an attempt to criticize any particular product or person mentioned. I'm sorry if it seemed that way. In fact, I included several of my own family photos in this mix when I first compiled it; but for privacy reasons, I removed those photos before posting here.

Initially, I collected these photos out of curiosity. I wondered what effect it would have on my heart to look through such diverse images in rapid sequence.

I have bought some of the products shown in the video. I have listened to some of those teachers. They are not all negative images for me, since many of the nicer pictures reflect the world I live life in daily. However, I usually segment my life so that certain areas don't mix emotionally.

But I was thinking about how the Lord sees all of these things simultaneously. So, I decided to see what feelings a vision more like His might elicit. I was shocked to see how simple images, without adding a single word, were so disturbing when I shuffled them all together.

I don't know what word to use to describe the feelings I have when I watch this. I certainly don't think all nice things are bad things. And I don't have a prescription to hand out that fixes this disparity. I guess I just wish my life were a little more cohesive, and I'm not sure how to get there. But maybe that's unrealistic.

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