Seeds

This is sort of about adoption, but it's also about all the other lives I see thrown away every day...

"Seeds"

She matters.
Though she’s torn on the edges,
and folds down low,
groping for words,
like a child who has fallen off a swing
looking for the breath
that will not come.

He waits -
with more potential
than the handful of seeds I
planted in the black, soft garden soil.
Seeds three years dormant,
that grew inside a fruit
grown by my grandfather.

Those seeds rose with green hands
waving toward the sky.
A gospel choir
celebrating life.
Life that began in darkness
and overcame it.

Each day a new swarm of faces
Shifts and blurs before my next step
like road signs passing by a car window.

Sometimes the memories
behind those faces have shaped their eyes
enough for me to translate.

Too often convention
restrains what rises -
that universal mother instinct
that runs onto the playground mulch,
awkward in sandals upon shifting earth -
drawn close to the pain,
to touch the hurt with you.

You forget that you matter.
Because Cruelty and Oversight
link hands around you
and taunt you singing:

“Worthless. Forgotten.
Damaged. Discarded.
Tomorrow will hate you
And Yesterday will haunt you.
As it was for you,
and as it is,
always it shall be.”

It’s a poison. And it’s a lie.

You matter.
Chosen.
Designed.
Knit together by Intentionality -
Who calls us up through darkness
toward the light.

Two small hands,
then four,
then six -
born reaching into pain.
Learning to grow through it.
learning to walk
learning to be carried
toward the morning
of your new name.

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Letter to Moses

Dear Moses,

I know you can’t understand this yet, but I’m to writing to you anyway. Your dad and I love you so much. Sometimes I cry because you aren’t here. And sometimes he can't talk about it, because he wants you here you so badly.

I can't wait to take you out of that concrete building with the concrete walls, where you must be quiet so often. I can't wait to give you room to stretch, and grow, and tumble, and race into the messy, muddy, wonderful world of boyhood.

It's winter here now, but it will be warm when you first meet your home. We will go outside into the sun and introduce you to the mountains. As you run, the long yellow grasses will tickle the bottom of your chin, and the sky above you will be clear. You will see for miles and miles, and you will fill your lungs with clean air that smells like laughing old earth.

You might want to run. And for maybe the first time in your life, there will be more room and time for you to run than there is strength in your legs. So we will run as long as you like. And when your legs are done running, we will sit.

There's a nice sitting rock up there. And from it, you will see the farms below. As the wind blows, shadows will move across them like a blanket. The houses will look very small from up there. Smaller than your little thumb.

I want to show you the river, and let you help us row a boat under old trees that hang so low the branches will steal the hat from off your head. And when we tie off our boats, I want to help you put your little brown toes on the round, cold rocks of a mountain stream, and feel the giggling purr of the current. We will poke at crawdads with sticks, and try to catch the water striders off of the top of the water.

We will show you these things. And you will show us the wonder of them. We will teach you summer. And you will teach us the lessons of a young spirit that has weathered winter. And so we will learn the seasons together.

Then we will lie on a blanket and find pictures in the clouds. And we will eat sandwiches and cookies. And you can fall asleep in the sun. And I’ll watch over you while you sleep, and make sure that you are safe.

WHAT I'M PRAYING OVER YOU TODAY:

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

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Prayer List for Moses

I am SO grateful to have friends who are willing to pray us through this adoption. Until I came face to face with pictures of a little boy I loved deeply but could not physically reach, I don't think I really understood what it meant to pray for a child.

Below is a list of specific prayer requests we are asking for this week. We are not allowed to share photos, his name, or his specific medical condition publicly for about another two weeks. However, all of this love and concern will make sense when you see his sweet little face. He is a precious little boy, and we can't wait to get him home.


-That the adults in the orphanage will love him, laugh with him, and be kind to him

-That he will get enough food to eat, vitamins to grow, and milk to drink. I have read that milk is a rarity in many facilities.

-That he will be warm this winter

-That someone will give him a hug today (and read him a book.)

-That he will be safe from orphanage hazards. The water/pollution are bad in many places, and there are high levels of lead in many overseas facilities)

-That he would be protected from illnesses and disease

-That God would put a hedge of protection around him and guard him from any physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

-That God would keep his heart tender and able to bond until we can arrive

-That all of the paperwork would be miraculously expedited, and that we could reach him in as little as 2-4 months (This would take a miracle, literally. The wait is supposed to take 7-11 months. I'm asking God if He might part the seas for little Moses. :) )

-That God would provide the rest of our financial needs quickly, so that we are not hindered in reaching him

-That someone in his facility would love Jesus, and talk to him about God’s love

-That our match and other paperwork would be formalized very quickly with no snags

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A Patched-Up Perspective on Being Broke

If all goes well, in about 16 months, we should receive a referral for a special-needs child from China. Almost every night we listen to our kids praying for God to bring a new brother or sister home. It’s strange how much you can miss someone you don’t even know.

Without question, the most frustrating part of this whole process has been financial. I'm not writing about this so that you will pity us or give us something. I'm writing about this because money is THE primary barrier to many families with a heart for adoption.

The more I become immersed in this need, the more I am amazed that little pieces of green paper could affect whether or not a living, breathing child finds a loving home.

For determined families, finances can bring a lot of changes. Over the past few months, I have taken on a new job. We’ve sold jewelry. We’re trying to sell portraits. We’ve taken money out of savings. We are researching grants. We are looking under every rock, trying to make this adoption happen however we can. Many other adoptive families are doing similar things.

During our grant research, I spoke with a wonderful gal from an organization called Show Hope. This is an adoption foundation started by the Steven Curtis Chapman family.

As we talked, we told this gal how frustrated and discouraged we were becoming with the financial aspect of this process. It’s very, very difficult to have so much love in your heart for a child - to feel like someone is missing - but then to feel like you cannot reach him or her.

As we talked, however, this woman offered some insight that I had never even considered. She said she thinks God sometimes allows financial challenges to exist in families who are called to adopt for a reason. She said financial need forces families who love orphans to talk about the plight of waiting children. She said that when we grieve publicly, this encourages the body of Christ to become infused with concern for the need.

As understanding and love spread, others begin to worship God by joining in His pursuit of waiting children. By working together, Christians who aren’t able or called to adopt can still become a part of the adoption process. Together, we become the hands and feet of Christ to a child.

Her words changed my feelings about our situation. Maybe God wants to use our inadequacy to help others experience adoption at a new level? Are we humble enough to go there? What if this story isn’t just about one distant child + one waiting family? Maybe God wants us to share an up-close picture of adoption with people who have never participated in one?

Maybe part of our calling is to push the reality of hurting, waiting children back into the forefront of Christ’s body? Most of these kids will never hear the name of Jesus spoken. They will live and die untouched by the Great Commission. This is a tragedy that we are called to affect.

So, may God use our weakness and our need. May He use it to help transport 147 million little voices into places they cannot reach on their own.

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Brief Update

Well, it’s hard to blog through this stage of the adoption. Those of you who have been through it probably know what I’m talking about. We’re in the middle of filling out TONS of papers and meeting with the best social worker in the whole world. (Her presence has really been a gift.)

Rebecca now has a part-time job that is allowing her to slowly make money to help pay for fees. We are hoping this will provide enough hours to cover our third agency fee, due in about 40 days. Then, after the home study is complete, we will start to apply for grants.

We’re looking into doing some foster parenting until the adoption is complete. Since our wait time is projected to be 18 months, we are thinking we might at least be able to help a child or two during that time. Hosting an exchange student has also crossed our minds.

Thanks for your continuing prayers. Several of you have asked how things were progressing, and that’s nice to hear. It’s a long process. We are thankful to have you on the team with us!

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